Your Parents Are Aging, When Is It Time to Get Help?
One of the best gifts an adult child can give an aging parent is knowing when to start getting assistance with health issues, housekeeping and mobility issues.
So, how do we know when it's time to consider in-home assistance like companions, personal emergency response systems, housekeepers, etc.?
Watch for warning signs like:
- Changes in personal hygiene - Failure to bathe on a daily basis. Wearing the same clothes all the time and possibly sleeping in them.
- Passive responses - Examples such as "Why should I bathe or change my clothes, I don't go anywhere?"
- More Dust around the house than usual - Although neat, the family home is now dusty. Cleaning is not done on a regular basis.
- Falling - Falls that you may not hear about but there are bruises or you may notice or a limp.
- Lack of food - The refrigerator is more empty than usual. More "to go" boxes around. There may be a fear of driving or the inability to carry grocery bags.
- Tiredness - Complaints about being tired constantly, a possible sign of depression or loneliness.
- Forgetfulness - Food is left cooking on the stove, water is left running, medications are missed, the phone is left off the hook or bills are not paid or paid late.
Once you make the decision to pursue obtaining in-home help, you need to take steps to assure the appropriate caregiver is hired and used in a professional manner.
Discuss Before Hiring: When engaging a home helper, the elderly should be part of the discussion. Recognize that a tremendous amount of fear may exist on the part of the elderly person. It is difficult to admit that one is not functioning well. The fear is for the loss of their freedom or their home. So, always be kind and considerate and approach the topic with compassion.
Create a Schedule and Define Tasks: Your parent sometimes can't imagine what an in-home caregiver can do for them. Suggest they "try" the caregiver with basic housekeeping, such as laundry, changing bed linens and cleaning. Or perhaps grocery shopping or doctor appointments.
Often the companion might be a senior themselves and find they have much in common and might go to the movies and/or church together.
However, Limit the Caregiver Role: The family members and the caregiver need to understand that a paid caregiver is not a family member. The caregiver should NOT have access to credit or ATM cards belonging to the family. Nor should the worker be paid in cash.
Discuss a Personal Emergency Response System: These systems are excellent for people who spend time alone and may need help. There are three parts to the PERS System; 1) the pendant that one wears, 2) the console that is plugged into the phone line and the electrical outlet and 3) the monitoring stations who actually talks to you when you send a signal.
There are several companies out there who offer the same kind of service. Usually, the larger the company, the more expensive the fees. They have more overhead. Talk to each company and when you feel comfortable with one, ask for references and for information that you can read on your own time. They will be charging you a monthly fee and they can vary according to company. So, check them out, call the references. Your parent could be on the floor for hours and nobody would know! So realize the importance of having a system available for your parent.
Feelings: It is important that parents are reminded that this is not the beginning of the end. It is an active step to prolong their independence. All the above mentioned ideas are just a step in the right direction to make life easier and safe. And the you do love them and want them to remain happy and healthy in their homes as long as possible.