Alternative Living Arrangements for Older Adults
When Is it Really Time to Consider Alternate
Living Arrangements?
For two years now I have been visiting my Grandmother who lives an hour away, each visit I find food that has gone bad in the refrigerator and the state of kitchen less than tiptop. My Grandmother spent many of her days raising my sister and myself and I have felt it my duty to see that her needs are met. But also, working as a healthcare professional in an elderly environment, my eyes have been open to the possibility of Grandma needing more soon. So I began talking to her four adult children, explaining that they need to be planning for Grandma, that she will not always drive, cook and be able to care for herself. I got a lot of positive response from my aunts and uncles, but no action.
Today, I sit before you writing this article as my Grandmother lies in a hospital bed with a broken hip. My worst nightmare happened yesterday, Grandma walked to the neighbors to visit and simply stooped down to smell some new spring flowers, fell and broke her hip. My uncle who lives next door called the ambulance and accompanied her to the hospital. Though I have been talking for two years, the children are unprepared for what is next. And what is next? Next is a nursing and rehabilitation center, where Grandma can begin to heal and mend, but the chances of her returning home are very slim.
My Grandmother will no longer drive herself to church or the grocery, she may not be able to walk again without assistance, all in one afternoon just a bend to smell the flowers, life as she has known it is ceasing. My aunts and uncles are in shock; they have no idea what they will do next. I have told them what to expect and I am trying to prepare them, but there is not a whole lot I can offer them in terms of Grandma’s independence. She will not be in the hospital long and efforts to choose a nursing facility must be made.
Today, there are many choices about how to handle these arrangements. There is Home Health Care, Assisted Living, Independent Senior Apartment Living and Long-Term Nursing Care. But when is the right time and if there is a right time how do I get Grandma to make a change? Often times we cannot get them to make a change. We educate them and we hope that they will listen. We think because Grandma is still safely driving or maintaining her laundry she is ok. It is just not so. There are millions of cases like my Grandma’s, things are ok for all intents and purposes and our loved ones are seemingly getting by, but are they? In this fragile world we live anything could happen. In the night the oven could be left on, the microwave could explode, a slip off the porch could occur and yes, even a bend to smell the flowers can lead to hospitalization.
So how long will we wait? Many people who reside in a nursing facility are still vibrant. They have developed friendships with their fellow residents. They safely go out to eat, shopping and to the movies, but just as many are inactive. They have stayed at home far to long and waited for that devastating event before implementing a safe living environment. Now they reside in a nursing facility but are so ill they can only enjoy the weekly bingo and hot meals. If my family had been more forthright with Grandma would this have happened? I don’t think so. My Grandma was very lonely; she loved her home, but was without socialization. She went to visit her neighbor out of a need for companionship. Had she been in a more supportive environment I feel this may not have happened.
Finally, as readers what are you to gather from this story? That you have to do your best, accept that Grandma is changing and educate her about her options, hopefully you talk to them soon enough that they understand and want to put together a plan. Talk to them; go visit alternate living environments with them. Talk about finances and insurance coverage’s, share stories with them like my own and ask them to be thinking about their future. And if this is you, someone who has tried all avenues and shown caring and support, then you have done your part. You have educated Grandma, you have tried to speak sense to your other family members and they have all shrugged you off. Your next step becomes one of love and support. This will be the step I now take for Grandma, to be available to her, to bring her flowers, to listen to my aunts and uncles as they struggle to move to the next stage of care for Grandma.
I hope this article will help you as you consider the status of your aging family member. Maybe it is your Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, or Great Grandparent and you are facing these decisions. We are living so much longer and our quality of life should be sustained just as long as we live. There is so much living for the elderly to do even in a nursing environment. There are also many resources available to you as you begin to plan. If you need assistance or are questioning your loved ones options you can begin by contacting your local Council On Aging or simply visiting a Social Worker at a nearby nursing center. There are so many willing to help and willing to care.